Tuesday morning we headed to the nearby Grand Saline, Texas where we visited the Salt Palace. The Salt Palace is a small museum constructed entirely of salt blocks which contains a few exhibits on salt and the Morton Salt mine elsewhere in the town. From there we visited The Light Crust Doughboys Hall of Fame and Museum which contains nice exhibits and memorabilia dedicated to the memory of the seminal western swing group that at one time or another included such greats as Bob Wills, Milton Brown, Tommy Duncan, and Hank Thompson. Next we headed north up to Paris, Texas, home of a replica Eiffel Tower with a cowboy hat on top. The story that goes along with it (I have no idea of the veracity of the story) is that Paris, Texas erected the Eiffel Tower as a tourist attraction, only to be upstaged by Paris, Tennessee who erected a taller replica Eiffel Tower. So, not to be outdone, the folks in Paris, Texas stuck a big cowboy hat on top of theirs, making it a few feet taller than the one in Tennessee. It’s a good story, anyway. Our next stop was in Texarkana where we paused at the Texas/Arkansas state line for a few pictures before moving on to the Crater of Diamonds State Park where we spent a few hours hunting of diamonds. After coming up empty in our search for diamonds, we headed into Hot Springs, Arkansas for the night, having a surprisingly good dinner at Doe’s Eat Place.

The next morning we headed into Hot Springs National Park where we went up in a large observation tower to enjoy the panoramic views of the Hot Springs area before heading to an alligator farm, home to a merman, along with numerous alligators and other exotic wildlife. Our first lunch of the day was at McClard’s, where we enjoyed fantastic chipped beef sandwiches amid all the memorabilia of the famous and not-so-famous who have visited. Full, but ready for more eats we hit the road for Little Rock where we split a Hubcap Burger at Cotham’s in the City. I was amazed that the burger was not only gigantic, but incredibly tasty! Our next stop along the Arkansas River was the Big Dam Bridge before a long drive up to Nashville for some ‘cue at Joe’s Bar-B-Q & Fish. Then it was a straight shot back up home, where we arrived tired but happy at around 1:30 AM.

Today we headed out of Austin and made our first stop in Snook, Texas, home of Sodolak’s Original Country Inn for lunch. We started with the specialty of the house, and our reason for visiting: chicken-fried bacon. Yep, you read it right — chicken-fried bacon. The heart stoppin-est appetizer in the land. I washed that down with a surprisingly good cheeseburger and hit the road for Waco. In Waco we stopped at the phenomenal Texas Rangers museum, where we learned all about the long (and sometimes sordid) history of the Texas Rangers. Of particular import, I learned that while Chuck Norris as Walker, Texas Ranger made frequent use of his martial-arts skills in apprehending bad guys, real Texas Rangers rarely use massive roundhouse kicks on a daily basis. And with that we headed further east to Canton, Texas where we had dinner at the “World Famous” Dairy Palace before retiring for the evening.

We again started the day with breakfast at Dan’s Hamburgers, though I couldn’t bring myself to eat at a place called “Dan’s Hamburgers” a second time without getting a hamburger. Breakfast of champions, there. It was a decent burger, but nothing to write home about. (Though apparently enough to blog about. :-)) Our final day at the festival began with a quiet folk-pop set from Elizabeth Willis. Next we headed over to the WaMu tent to see The River City Christianettes, a high-energy gospel/soul group who put on a very fun, entertaining performance. From there we strolled over to the Austin Ventures stage to see Scott Biram, who refers to himself as a “dirty old one man band.” His unique style of the blues is hard to describe — he sings through a harmonica mike the whole time, giving his voice a strange, distorted sound as he grunts out lyrics over the dirty boogie of his guitar. After that it was back to the WaMu tent where we saw Nakia and his Southern Cousins. Nakia’s music is a little reminiscent of Joe Cocker, although with more of a soul bent. After taking our leave of the WaMu tent, we strolled over to the AT&T Blue Room stage where we caught a few songs from The Kills before taking our place at the AMD stage for Gillian Welch. Gillian Welch put on a great rootsy-folk set, and brought Alison Krauss out for one song. After that we were hot, tired, and hungry, so we grabbed a bit to eat and relaxed in our chairs at the BMI stage for awhile, before finding our way back to the AMD stage for Neko Case. Next we stopped by the Austin Ventures stage where we caught a few songs from fellow Cincinnatians, the Heartless Bastards before moving back to the WaMu tent for Shooter Jennings. Shooter Jennings plays countrified southern rock, which he and his band blast out as loud as possible. Lots of fun. While I stayed to watch the rest of Shooters’ set, Shelly snuck over to the AT&T stage to see Blues Traveler and then went over to the AMD stage to see The Raconteurs. Meanwhile I made my way over to the BMI stage where I relaxed while watching The South Austin Jug Band before meeting back up with Shelly to cap off the night watching Kevin Fowler. Kevin Fowler plays a rock-inflected country music, singing fun party songs such as “The Lord Loves Drinkers,” “Don’t Touch My Willie,” (That’s referring to a Willie Nelson CD, of course! My, you have a dirty mind!) and “Beer, Bait, and Ammo.” He also included a few surprising covers, including “Sweet Emotion,” “Crazy Train,” and “Fat Bottomed Girls.” And that was it for the 2008 Austin City Limits Festival. Hot, dusty, and tired, we got back to the hotel and collapsed.

Today was the big BBQ tour day! We started our tour by picking up our tour companions, Matt, Cherie, and Tom at their hotel, then headed out to Taylor, Texas where we visited the Taylor Cafe. The Taylor Cafe is easy to miss, being just another run-down building on a run-down block. And the inside isn’t much better. The bartender/waitress was unpleasant, but the BBQ was good. I was a little surprised to see they put BBQ sauce on the brisket, but all-in-all this made for a good first stop for our tour. From Taylor, we drove down to Elgin, Texas where we stopped at The Southside Market & BBQ. Again we went with brisket and sausage, and both were excellent. Definitely a step up from the Taylor Cafe. Here the brisket had more smoke flavor and was a little more tender. The sausages were among the best I’ve had. Getting full, but needing to move on, we went down the road to Meyer’s Smokehouse, also in Elgin. Still pretty full from The Southside Market & BBQ, we went with a small order of brisket. The brisket here wasn’t as tender as others, but was full of flavor, actually somewhat resembling the seasoning you find in beef jerky. A little weird, but still pretty tasty.

And then it was time. Lockhart, Texas, the BBQ capital of Texas loomed just a few miles away. Our first stop in Lockhart was at Smitty’s Market, our favorite place from last year’s BBQ tour. At Smitty’s we got a bunch of brisket and hot rings and chowed down. Again Smitty’s demonstrated why they were the best last year, and easily topped everywhere else we’d stopped earlier in the day. Filled to the brim with ‘cue, we headed about a mile south to Chisholm Trail Bar-B.Q., the one place in Lockhart we hadn’t made it to last year. Upon entering, I was surprised to see that the Chisholm Trail actually had a salad bar and BBQ buffet. But as this was technically our 5th lunch I decided to pass. As I stood in line waiting to place my meat order, I turned around to find Matt loading up at the buffet! Some are just gluttons for punishment, I guess. To my further surprise (and horror) I then noticed that he’d ordered himself a giant hunk of chicken-fried steak! I can’t imagine what he was thinking, but all took our orders back to a table where we discovered that the brisket at Chisholm Trail was fantastic, right up there with Smitty’s or anywhere else in Lockhart. Definitely worth the stop. (Matt never quite made it through that chicken-fried steak.)

Unable to consume any more, we returned to our respective hotels to digest for awhile, before meeting back up on SoCo for a show at The Continental Club. The show was opened by Sarah Borges who put on a fun, high-energy show that completely won over the crowd. The headliner for the night was James McMurtry, who Sarah Borges introduced as, “fucking weird.” Is he? I’ll let you judge for yourself.

We started the day with a visit to the Roger Miller Museum in his old hometown of Erick, Oklahoma. The folks at the museum were kind enough to open the museum for us, though it is normally not open on Tuesdays. As such we got a personal tour of the museum which really helped to make Roger’s quirky personality shine through. We wound up spending nearly three hours in the museum which left us a little behind schedule, but that’s what speeding is for. Next we stopped in Mclean, Texas to visit the Devil’s Rope Museum, dedicated to the history of barbed wire. The museum contained an awe-inspiring collection of barbed wire and associated tools and other paraphenalia. In addition, it housed a small exhibit on the dust bowl, and a wing of assorted Route 66 knicknacks. Just down the road we found a cute restored Phillips 66 gas station before putting the pedal to the metal towards Amarillo.

On the way to Amarillo, we stumbled across the largest cross in the western hemisphere. Just west of Amarillo we visited the Cadillac Ranch, which is basically a bunch of old, graffiti-covered Cadillacs stuck nose-down into the dirt in the middle of a cornfield. By now we were starving, so what better place to satisfy a craving for meat than The Big Texan Steak Ranch? The Big Texan Steak Ranch is famous for it’s “free” 72 oz. steak. It’s free, alright, if you can eat it all, along with a baked potato, 3 fried shrimp, a side salad, and a roll….all within 60 minutes. Otherwise it’s $72, though you do get a souvenir t-shirt for the effort. I decided to pass on the tempting offer and instead had a considerably smaller (and gristly) steak with mashed potatoes and mac ‘n’ cheese. None of that was particularly good, but that wasn’t why we were there anyway. As luck would have it, just as we were placing our orders, two guys decided to take the challenge. The wait staff set them up at a table on a small stage in the middle of the large dining room, with a digital clock situated behind them. After signing waivers, the steaks were delivered along with the sides, and the clock was started. Those poor guys didn’t stand a chance. By the end of the hour it seemed as if they had hardly made a dent in their oversized steaks. On the way out, I noticed a sign listing recent visitors who were successful in tossing all that food down their gullets in an hour, including one man who ate it all in a shocking 25 minutes! After leaving The Big Texan Steak Ranch, we had a looong drive south and east to Breckenridge where we’re currently staying the night.

Started out this morning with a quick visit to the Walton Five & Dime, the original Walmart, in Bentonville, Arkansas. Though modern Walmart’s are open 24/7, this one was closed on Mondays. So we headed west into Oklahoma, where we picked up Route 66 a little north of Tulsa. We had planned to stop in for burgers at Hank’s Hamburgers in Tulsa, but discovered it closed as well. By happenstance we’d just passed a tasty looking burger joint on our way to Hank’s, so we backtracked a few miles to Hatfield’s Hamburgers “Home of the Real McCoy” where we enjoyed some tasty burgers and tater tots. The burgers were thin, but were made from seasoned ground beef. Hatfield’s also serves a full menu of barbecue, but we had more eating to do today, so we couldn’t go whole hog. (So to speak.) Following Route 66 into Sapulpa, we stopped at Hickory House B-B-Q where got a pulled pork sandwich and potato salad to go. Confirming my initial olifactoral suspicions on the way in, I spotted their smoker on the way back to the car. The pork was very flavorful, making for a terrific sandwich, although the potato salad was merely average. As we continued along Route 66, we took opportunities to veer off the main road onto Old Route 66, where we could imagine the road more as it was in the 1930’s. Eventually we were pulled off the road by a sign promising “Historic Brick Broadway” in Davenport, Oklahoma. That turned out to be a brick avenue lined by empty buildings. There was a nice mural there though. A little further down the road we came across the Arcadia Round Barn in Arcadia, Oklahoma. The barn has been lovingly restored and is a fine example of late 19th century architecture. Sitting outside the barn were a few old road graders of the type that were used for the original grade of Route 66. Hard to believe those got the job done considering what we use today.

After passing by Oklahoma City, we stopped a little farther west in El Reno. El Reno is home to Sid’s Diner, which is reputed to make a fine onion burger. At Sid’s, the burgers start as round balls of ground beef. Those balls are smashed flat on a large griddle. Then a handful of onion slices are tossed on top of the burger, before being smashed into the burger with a spatula. That mess of beef and onions are allowed to cook on the griddle, causing the beef and bits of caramelized onions to commingle, fusing into one tasty, crispy glob which is then placed on a toasted bun with your choice of condiments. We sat at the counter next to a group from New Zealand who were driving the entire length of Route 66, and had stopped in at Sid’s based on a glowing recommendation. The staff were friendly and even gave us a coney on the house, as it was their other specialty that we “just had to try.” The coney was ok, but nothing special. (This was hardly fair — they couldn’t know what a big deal coneys are in Cincinnati…)

Departing El Reno, we continued along Route 66 until we reached Hydro, Oklahoma, home to Hammons’ Station, also known as Lucille’s. Lucille’s was a filling station on Route 66 operated by Lucille Hammons, “The Mother of The Mother Road.” The station is abandoned, but has been relatively well maintained. Later, after seeing what seemed like hundreds of billboards advertising it, (Look out Wall Drug, you’ve got competition!) I was compelled to stop in and visit the Cherokee Trading Post & Restaurant, which turned out, naturally, to be a tourist trap without a gimmick. Still, what’s a road trip without tourist traps? We soldiered on, pausing in Clinton, Oklahoma to snap a quick picture of a giant indian named Howe, and in Elk City for picture with a giant Route 66 sign. We’re staying the night tonight in the City Drug B&B in Wheeler, Texas, though we’ll dip briefly back into Oklahoma tomorrow.

Started this morning in Ozark, at the foot of Mount Magazine, the tallest peak in Arkansas. Our first stop was the “Lost Valley Trail” which is about a two mile hike up a small valley to Eden Falls and Eden Falls Cave which is located in the cliffs above the waterfall. The hike started out as a leisurely stroll along a nice gravel path. That was not to last. We soon found ourselves ascending a steep hillside on a rock “staircase” in order to reach the waterfall and, eventually, the cave high above it. The effort turned out to be well worth it, as Eden Falls is beautiful to behold and the view from outside the cave is very nice as well. Apparently about 250 yards inside the cave is a 35-ft. waterfall, but as we did not bring a flashlight, we could explore no more than about half that distance before prudence dictated we proceed no further.

Famished after our hike, we stumbled upon the Crystal Mountain Mexican Restaurant. Shelly had steak fajitas, and I had a combination plate with two tacos and two ground beef enchiladas. Everything was excellent and we left full and happy and ready to make the drive north to Cosmic Cavern. While waiting for our tour to start, we chatted with Mike, our tour-guide-to-be who happens to be a big baseball fan, having visited every Major League ballpark in the country. So we talked baseball until it was time for the tour to start. Since we were the only two who had arrived for a tour, the three of us descended into the cave. Cosmic Cavern has just about everything you’d want to find in a commercial cave: stalactites and stalagmites, soda straws, cave bacon, flowstone, two “bottomless” lakes, unexplored sections, and rickety stairs (a.k.a. lawsuit waiting to happen.) galore. The tour, at about an hour and half, was thorough, fun, and informative.

After schlepping back up all those stairs we were again exhausted, so we pushed on to Eureka Springs. Eureka Springs is a small resort town in the Ozarks with the usual assortment of bed & breakfasts, cafes, junk shops, junk shops, and junk shops. Oh, and “old-fashioned pictures” stores. And fudge. I didn’t see any saltwater taffy. Anyway, we strolled along Main Street for awhile, drove the “historic loop” which took us past many fine historical homes in the Eureka Springs area. Finally we could take it no longer and headed to the Bavarian Inn for dinner. Dinner started with cups of cream of sauerkraut soup. This interesting concoction was absolutely delicious — tangy and tasty. For the main course, I enjoyed a plate that included a bratwurst, sauerkraut, smoked pork, and potato pancakes. All were superb. Shelly went with the sauerbraten which was served in some kind of vegetable sauce and came with “peasant dumplings.” The sauerbraten was good but not exceptional, not being quite “sauer” enough to suit me. Dessert included apple strudel a la mode with glasses of Riesling. All in all a fit finish for an exhausting day. After Shelly rolled me out to the car, we drove into Bentonville for the night.

We got off to a bright and early start this morning and headed into Arkansas. Our first stop was in Batesville at Mark Martin Ford, home of the Mark Martin Museum. The museum contained several of Mark Martin’s race cars, driver’s suits, trophies, and other memorabilia. Next we headed for Barb’s Bar-B-Q in Searcy. Barb’s Bar-B-Q turned out to be a small roadside cafe with a carryout window and a few picnic tables along the side. Surprisingly, the menu was full of hamburgers, corn dogs, pork tenderloins, etc. Despite the name, Barb’s Bar-B-Q had only one barbecue item on the menu, a pulled pork sandwich. As a result, my expectations were immediately lowered. Shelly and I each ordered a pulled pork sandwich with slaw. In spite of my initial misgivings, the pulled pork sandwich was excellent. As I walked around to the side of the restaurant to sit at a picnic table, I spotted the smoker around back. Then I sat down and had a bite — delicious! Tender pork with nice smoke flavor, tossed in a tangy sauce and topped with some curious slaw. The first thing we noticed was that the slaw was yellow in color. Upon tasting it, I suspect the slaw was made with some mustard, though I’m not at all certain. Regardless of the contents of the slaw, it all made for an excellent sandwich.

With bellies full of barbecue, we headed further into Arkansas, where we visited Petit Jean State Park. The park is absolutely gorgeous, containing breathtaking views of the Petit Jean valley and Cedar Falls. We also were lucky enough to run into about half a dozen hawks circling over the park. Our next stop was to be the Parking Meter Museum in Russelville. Unfortunately, it seems the museum is located inside a local business and is only open Monday through Friday. Disappointed, we made for our next stop, Feltner’s Whatta-Burger. At Whatta-Burger, an employee takes your order as you first walk in and writes the order and your name on a white paper sack which is whisked away back into the kitchen. Next you stand in line until you finally reach the register where the paper sack reappears, this time filled with your order. The Whattaburger is a largish burger, dressed however you like it. It’s hard to rave about the Whattaburger a day after visiting Dyer’s, but it was an excellent burger and very obviously popular with the locals.

From Whattaburger, we traveled to Mount Nebo State Park where we took in the spectacular views at Sunset Point which provides a 270 degree panorama of the surrounding valleys and hillsides. From Mount Nebo we made our way to Magazine Mountain State Park where we again enjoyed gorgeous vistas on our way to a short hike up to the top of the mountain which also happens to be the highest point in Arkansas. In the fading sunlight we drove down from Magazine Mountain to our hotel in riverside Ozark. Three meals into the day we were actually still hungry, so we dropped in at the Ozark Cafe where I had a relatively average ham steak and Shelly enjoyed a decent top sirloin.

So, “Road Trip 2008” started out with a lot of driving. No stopping except for gas and bathroom visits until we got to Lexington, Tennessee. Our first stop was intended to be Hays Smokehouse, which is either out of business or we were simply unable to find it. (Phone number ringing fast-busy is not a good sign…) Disappointing, but it meant we instead wound up at Scott Bar-B-Q which turned out to be a fine substitute. The menu at Scott Bar-B-Q is pretty basic. Meat is available by the pound, or on a sandwich — regular or jumbo. Sandwiches come with mild, medium, or hot sauce, and slaw (vinegar or mayo) if desired. Shelly got a regular, medium, with vinegar slaw along with potato salad and baked beans on the side. I went with a jumbo, medium, with mayo slaw. The pulled pork is more of the “chipped” variety and managed to present a smoky flavor that shined through the sauce and slaw. I’ll have to concede that the vinegar slaw on Shelly’s sandwich was superior to the mayo slaw on mine, but either made for a tasty sandwich. The potato salad was mayonnaise-based with a little tang. We both agreed it was among the best potato salad we had ever eaten. The beans were heartily mixed with some pork. Sweet, with a hint of worcestershire sauce — delicious. Definitely worth a visit if you’re ever in (granted, slightly out of the way) area.

After our first barbecue bonanza, we made our way to Memphis and checked into our hotel, where we were pleasantly surprised by a nice Mississippi River view from our room. We quickly made our way down to Beale Street and, after we each enjoyed a “Big Ass Beer” as we wandered the street, found our way to Dyer’s Burgers. Dyer’s Burgers has been making their burgers the same way since 1912 — using the same oil along the way. “The same oil,” you ask? Dyer’s deep fries their burgers in a large iron skillet over a gas range. They start with balls of fresh ground beef which they smash flat with a spatula, then throw in the big skillet. Once the meat is cooked, they fish the burger out with a spatula, throw a piece of cheese in it, then dip it BACK IN THE GREASE before putting it on a bun and serving it. The T-shirts the staff wear proudly proclaim on the back, “Have you had your vitamin “G” today?” The “G” of course standing for “grease.” Shelly got a single with fries, I, being the glutton that I am, went for a “Double Double” which is two patties with two slices of cheese. The burgers are delivered in wax paper, dripping with grease. I was unprepared for the ecstasy that awaited me. These burgers truly in melt in your mouth. A toothless man could take his dentures out and easily gum these burgers. The cheese and beef melt together in your mouth in a synergy of orgiastic heart-stopping excess. But did I mention the grease? The grease the burgers are cooked in is filtered daily, but otherwise is the exact same grease the burgers have been cooked in for nearly 100 years. Dyer’s has changed locations a few times over the years (their current location being on Beale Street across from W.C. Handy Park) and the grease has been moved along with it, under armed guard and police escort. We’ll be stopping at several more burger meccas on this trip…I just hope we haven’t peaked early.

After taking a few years off our lives at Dyer’s, we strolled Beale Street some more, marveling at the 100 oz. “Walk Downs,” which we can only assume means you’ll need plenty of help “walking down” after drinking one and the ever-present Beale Street Flippers. A few cocktails later we headed into the King’s Palace Cafe, paying homage to “The Mayor of Beale Street” on the way in. There we enjoyed some smooth jazz and bacon-wrapped shrimp before heading back to the hotel. We snuck up to the rooftop hot tub to relax looking over Memphis and the river before returning to our room for the night.

It couldn’t be helped. It had to be attempted. Willie’s Sports Cafe’s Big Sloppy. The great burger overlord. The one burger to rule them all. Two sleep-inducing 1/2 pound Angus patties on three buns with four slices of cheese, tartar sauce, and 8 artery-clogging slices of bacon. With fries. The first problem of course is getting it in your mouth. After a bit of smooshing and mashing, I finally got it down to a height that just barely fit in my mouth. The main problem, however, is eating it all. Over one pound of meat just waiting to cause gastroinestinal distress. Oh, Big Sloppy, you are more than a meal. 1/4 of the way through it, Big Sloppy seemed to get bigger with each bite. 1/3 of the way through and Big Sloppy was openly mocking me; grinning it’s tartar sauce grin. Halfway through with my heart palpitating and my left arm tingly I finally had to throw in the towel and concede defeat to the demon of Big Sloppy. Oh Big Sloppy, instigator of naps, intestinal rupturer, catalyst of cardiac arrest. My cholesterol has surely doubled, though I fear I may come to lament my ill-fated battle with Big Sloppy even more as he wreaks his terrible vengeance on my bowels… No mortal can be a match for Big Sloppy. Big Sloppy I fear you.